Smešne i zanimljive slike,vicevi i fore na engleskom

• 3Ovo se svidja korisnicima: Ghost of Sparta, mcrule, juba
  
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President Obama,Leon Panetta and Joe Biden are sitting in a bar.
A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Obama,Panetta and Biden sitting over there?"

The barman says, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"

Obama says, "We're planning WW III. Gonna be a real holy war..."

And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Obama says, "Well, we're going to kill 20 million radical Muslims this time, and one blonde with big tits."

The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits? Why kill a blonde with big tits?"

Obama turns to Paneta and Biden, punches Panetta on the shoulder and says, "See, Smart ass, I told you no one would worry about the 20 million radical Muslims!"

• 7Ovo se svidja korisnicima: Srki94, Simke, Melody, Ghost of Sparta, mcrule, maxo95, ThePhilosopher
  
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Girls are over imaginative

A boy sends a text

Boy : Hey
...
Girl (to herself): OMG..he just texted me..I wonder what he wants..may be he just wants to talk...or maybe he's mad at me, but all he said was hey..I should just answer him, don't want to keep him waiting..w ell maybe I'll wait another 3 minutes so he thinks I'm busy..no, thats too obvious. Could this mean he's into me? Or is he just bored? Either way is fine, I mean I don't care if he likes me back. Who said that I even liked him? huh.. I'm gonna text back now. Should I reply hi or hey. Hey with 3 y's? No thats stupid. 2 y's work. He wont know if I did it on purpose or if it was accidental . Ok! I got this.
Breathe in, breathe out.

Girl: heyy :- D

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Napisano: 04 Jan 2012 16:32

A rich man and a poor man were sitting at a bar having a few drinks and they got chatting. after a while they realize both of their wedding anniversaries are the next day.
Poor man, "What did you get your wife for her wedding anniversary?"
Rich man, "I got her a pink Ferrari and a diamond ring."
Poor man, "What made you choose those gifts?"
... Rich man, "She loves fast cars and I wasnt sure about the ring so if she doesn't like it, she can take it back in her new car... "
The poor, "Man nods in agreement."
Rich man, "What did you get your wife?"
Poor man, "I got my wife a pair of cheep slippers and a dildo."
Rich man, "Why did you choose those gifts?"
Poor man, " Well if she doesn't like the slippers she can go fu*k herself.

Dopuna: 20 Feb 2012 2:12

Nicki Minaj boobs are just like bag of chips, you will get disapointed if you knew the truth!!!

• 6Ovo se svidja korisnicima: Ghost of Sparta, mcrule, Tamtitam, bluewortex, NIx Car, ThePhilosopher
  
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Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: It's triplets.
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good: Your wife's not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Ugly: She's a lawyer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good: Your son is finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the Woman next door.
Ugly: So are you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several za-odrasle- movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly: Your 13 year old daughter borrowed them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good: The postman's early.
Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun.
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good: Your son is dating someone new.
Bad: It's another man.
Ugly: He's your best friend.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good: Your daughter got a new job.
Bad: As a hooker.
Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients.
Way ugly: She makes more money than you.

• 2Ovo se svidja korisnicima: _Sale, bluewortex
  
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An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard: "woman without her man is nothing". The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly.

The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."

The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."



=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=



What's the definition of a pessimist? A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.

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Why did the tomato turn red?

It saw the salad dressing.

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Napisano: 15 Mar 2012 19:57

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'

Harry answered, ' I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter
than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the
boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal:
'What is 3 x 3?'
Harry:
'9.'

Principal:
'What is 6 x 6?'
Harry:
'36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her,
'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'

Ms. Brooks says to the principal,
'Let me ask him some questions.'

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'
Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'

Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
The principal wondered why would she ask such a
question!
Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'
Harry:
'Pants.'

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?'
Harry:
'Coconut.'
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks:
'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble
gum.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'
Harry: 'Shake hands.'
The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'
Harry:
'Firetruck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the
teacher,
'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.....'

Dopuna: 15 Mar 2012 20:01

A farmer and his wife were lying in bed one evening; she was knitting, and he was reading the latest issue of Animal Husbandry. He looked up from the page and said to her, "Did you know that humans are the only species in which the female achieves orgasm?" She looked at him wistfully, smiled, and replied, "Oh, yeah? Prove it." He frowned for a moment, then said, "Okay." He got up and walked out, leaving his wife with a confused look on her face. About a half hour later, he returned all tired and sweaty and proclaimed, "Well, I'm sure the cow and sheep didn't, but the way that pig is always squealing, how can I tell?"

Dopuna: 15 Mar 2012 20:04

Twelve monks were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up, nude, in a garden while a nude model danced before them. Each monk had a small bell attached to his privates, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The model danced before the first monk candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response until she got to the final monk. As she danced, his bell rang so loudly it fell off and clattered to the ground. Embarrassed, he bent down to pick up the bell, and eleven other bells began to ring......

==========================

During his monthly visit to the corner barbershop, this fellow asked his barber for any suggestions on how to treat his increasing baldness. After a brief pause, the barber leaned over and confided that the best thing he'd come across was, er, female juices. "But you're balder than I am," protested the customer. "True," admitted the barber, "but you've gotta admit I've got one hell of a mustache!"

• 6Ovo se svidja korisnicima: benne, bluewortex, juba, Ghost of Sparta, Srki94, ThePhilosopher
  
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The work week

Always give 100% at work....


12% on Monday
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday
5% on Fridays

• 6Ovo se svidja korisnicima: NIx Car, mcrule, Ghost of Sparta, bluewortex, ThePhilosopher, Acid_Burn
  
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The past, the present and the future walked into a bar.

It was tense.