Smešne i zanimljive slike,vicevi i fore na engleskom

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@ Goca, I see what's you did there.



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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."


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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that."

• 3Ovo se svidja korisnicima: Srki94, Ghost of Sparta, mcrule
  
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I'm glad I wasn't born in China!
Why's that?
I can't speak a word of Chinese.

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Napisano: 17 Apr 2012 1:49

A policeman pulled a man over and as he approached the window he immediately drew his gun and screamed "Where's the little girl!"

The man said, "What little girl?!"

The officer aimed his gun and yelled again, "SHOW ME THE LITTLE GIRL!"

The man now in tears, said, "I SWEAR I DON'T KNOW!"

The officer smiled and said, "...There's the little girl."

Dopuna: 17 Apr 2012 1:52

A soldier was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him. And, she wanted pictures of herself back.

So the soldier did what any squared-away soldier would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women that he could find. He then mailed about 25 pictures of women (with clothes and without) to his girlfriend with the following note:

"I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your pictures and send the rest back."



Dopuna: 18 Apr 2012 6:53

A young daughter had not been home for over five years. Upon her
return, her Father cursed her heavily.

"Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us,
not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye
put yer old Mother thru?"

The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff... Dad... I became a prostitute."

"Ye what?! Get out a here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a
disgrace to this Catholic family."

"OK, Dad... as ye wish. I only came back to give Mum this luxurious
fur coat, the title deed to a ten bedroom mansion, plus a $5 million
savings certificate.

For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the
sparkling new Mercedes Limited Edition convertible that's parked
outside, plus a membership to the country club... (takes a breath)...
and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new
yacht in the Riviera ."

"What was it ye said ye had become?" says Dad.

Girl, crying again, "A prostitute, Daddy! Sniff, sniff."

"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl!
I thought ye said a Protestant! Come here and give yer old Dad a hug!"

• 4Ovo se svidja korisnicima: mcrule, bluewortex, posebna, mpman
  
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If you can speak three languages you're trilingual. If you can speak two languages you're bilingual. If you can speak only one language you're an American.

Nothing personal.

• 3Ovo se svidja korisnicima: posebna, mcrule, g0c47777
  
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There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.

If you told a lie it would suck you in.

One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.

The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.

Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in.

• 4Ovo se svidja korisnicima: mpman, Inception, Red_star_girl, juba
  
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I went on Google and searched:
"Where do ninjas live" ;
It said:
"No results found."


Well played ninjas, well played.

• 2Ovo se svidja korisnicima: ThePhilosopher, mcrule
  
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Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?"
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started Writing another ticket for having worn tires. So my wife called him a ****-head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus.

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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

• 2Ovo se svidja korisnicima: mcrule, posebna
  
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A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm.
He stopped and asked the boy, "Where did you get that turkey?"
The boy replied, "What turkey?"
The game warden said, "That turkey you're carrying under your arm."
The boy looks down and said, "Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!"
The game warden said, "Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you.
If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?"
The little boy said, "I guess I'll just kiss his ass and let him go!"

• 1Ovo se svidja korisniku: bluewortex
  
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I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather...
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.