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Poslao: 15 Dec 2004 11:50
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offline
- Aleksandra
- Ugledni građanin
- Pridružio: 16 Avg 2004
- Poruke: 463
- Gde živiš: Beograd
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In the hospital the relatives gathered in the
waiting room, where their family member lay gravely
ill.
Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.
"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he
surveyed the worried faces.
"The only hope left for your loved one at this time is
a brain transplant.
It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is
the only hope.
Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have
to pay for the brain yourselves."
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the
news. After a great length of time, someone asked,
"Well, how much does a brain cost?"
The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male
brain, and $200 for a female brain."
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not
to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but
some actually smirked.
A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the
question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male
brain so much more?"
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and
explained to the entire group, "It's just standard
pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of
the female brains, because they've actually been
used."
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Poslao: 20 Dec 2004 16:37
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offline
- bobby
- Administrator
- Pridružio: 04 Sep 2003
- Poruke: 24135
- Gde živiš: Wien
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A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.
It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading these keep in mind that these are first graders..... 6-year-olds, because the last one is classic!
1. Better to be safe than.....................punch a 5th grader.
2. Strike while the..........................bug is close.
3. It's always darkest before.................Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of............termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but...........how?
6. Don't bite the hand that...................looks dirty.
7. No news is..................................impossible.
8. A miss is as good as a......................Mr..
9. You can't teach an old dog new..............math.
10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll...........stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust.............................me.
12. The pen is mightier than the................pigs.
13. An idle mind is...........................the best way to relax.
14. Where there's smoke there's.................pollution.
15. Happy the bride who.......................gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is...........................not much.
17. Two's company, three's....................the Musketeers.
18. Don't put off till tomorrow what...........you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and.........you have to blow your nose.
20. There are none so blind as..................Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not.............spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don't succeed...............get new batteries
23. You get out of something only what you...........see in the picture on the box.
24. When the blind leadeth the blind...........get out of the way.
25. Better late than............................pregnant
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Poslao: 20 Dec 2004 16:48
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offline
- bobby
- Administrator
- Pridružio: 04 Sep 2003
- Poruke: 24135
- Gde živiš: Wien
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Who says cops don't have a sense of humor? The following were taken off
of actual police car videos around the country.
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"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out
after you wear them awhile."
"Take your hands off the car, or I'll make your birth certificate a
worthless document."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know,
that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."
"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write
anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will
help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or
I'll give you another ticket."
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or
not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride
on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey mess."
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
"Just how big were those two beers?"
"No sir. we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're
allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours.
At least you know someone who can post your bail."
"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.
Sign here."
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Poslao: 24 Dec 2004 00:41
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offline
- bobby
- Administrator
- Pridružio: 04 Sep 2003
- Poruke: 24135
- Gde živiš: Wien
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A Man walks into a bar with a bag, Sits down and wants to order a beer, The Bartender asks the man, Hey Buddy whats up with the bag you have on the bar ?
The man replies...You arent going to believe this...He reaches in the bag and pulls out a 12" Guy whos dressed in a very nice Tux, The Bartender says " well aint that cool" The guy replies back, Oh Man You aint seen nuthin yet !
He then reaches in the bag 1 more time and pulls out a grand piano..And sets it on the bar next to the 12" guy ! and the 12" guy sits down and starts playin the piano
The Bartender then says..Well that is something...The guy replies...Oh! Theres one more thing in here as well...And reaches again into the bag and pulls out this lamp...He hands it to the Bartender...The bartender starts to rub it as if he's cleaning something off of it. And out comes this Genie !
The bartender is just stumped to see this...The Genie then says, Since you are not the owner of the lamp, I can grant you 1 wish and 1 wish only..What is your wish ?
the bartender thinks and thinks and says , You know Im tired of working all the time, I would really like to have a million bucks ! The Genie says "GRANTED"
and all of a sudden the bar room fills up with a million ducks, The bartender then says to the guy, Hey Dude ! I think your Genie is deaf !
The guy replies, Tell me about it, You really dont think I asked for a 12" Pianist do you !
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