Smešne i zanimljive slike,vicevi i fore na engleskom

• 3Ovo se svidja korisnicima: mcrule, E.L.I.T.E., Apok
  
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Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lotof space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Pokernight 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, even crash the system whenever selected. I can not seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall does not work on this program.
Can you help me, please!!!
Thanks,
Joe

Dear Joe:

This is a very common problem that men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to
Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under
Warnings-Alimony/Child Support". I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might
also suggest you read the entire section regarding GPFs (General Partnership Faults).
You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might
occur, regardless of their cause.
The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. In any case avoid excessive use of the Esc key because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but VERY high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 4.0. Do not, under any circumstances,install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support

• 1Ovo se svidja korisniku: mcrule
  
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Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
We need = I want
It's your decision = My correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're going to hate
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me!? =Too late, you're dead

*** some people come into our lives & quickly go.some stay for a while &
leave footprints on our hearts ...

• 0Niko još nije pohvalio poruku.
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lol,lol&lol

• 1Ovo se svidja korisniku: mcrule
  
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He, He! Tako nekako, samo ga lepše upakuju!

• 0Niko još nije pohvalio poruku.
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1. It is important to find a man who works around the house, cooks and cleans, and helps care for the kids, and who makes money.
2. It is important to find a man who loves to spend money on you, and show you a good time.
3. It is important to find a man who's good in bed and who loves to have sex with you.
4. It is important that these three men never meet.

• 1Ovo se svidja korisniku: mcrule
  
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It is important to find a secret place and hide, if these three man ever meet.

• 1Ovo se svidja korisniku: mcrule
  
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ja imam dobar podrum za to (ako nadjem 3 zene u jednoj)

• 1Ovo se svidja korisniku: mcrule
  
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The Top 10 ways things would be different if Microsoft built cars:

1. A particular model year of car wouldn't be available until AFTER
that year, instead of before.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy
a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would just die for no reason and you'd have to
restart it. For some strange reason, you just accept this.

4. You could only have one person at a time in your car, unless you
bought a car '95 or a car NT, but then you'd have to buy more
seats.

5. Sun Motorsystems would make a car that was solar powered, twice as
reliable, 5 times as fast, but only ran on 5% of the roads.

6. The oil, alternator, gas, and engine warning lights would be
replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.

7. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft
cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other
brands for years.

8. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft Gas (tm).

9. The US government would be GETTING subsidies from an automaker,
instead of giving them.

10. New seats will force everyone to have the same size ass.

From Bruce Ediger (bediger@csn.net)

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Odlican

• 2Ovo se svidja korisnicima: mcrule, Bane san
  
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www.zr.rs/vicevi

Top Ten Reasons for being a...

Top Ten Reasons for being a Serb:

1. You are not a Croat.
2. Basketball team.
3. You can choose between several war criminals in Presidential elections.
4. You can enjoy the positive media coverage of your country when abroad.
5. You can fight 600 year-old battles against the Turks and their domestic collaborators, be convinced that it`s happening right now, and not be entirely wrong.
6. You can always go to Greece and Cyprus and fear nothing.
7. Grilled meat and slivovitz.
8. You get to drink slivovitz and eat grilled meat even when under economic sanctions.
9. You are the only European country which will be bombed by NATO.
10.Every now and then you get to fly to the Hague at someone else`s expense.


Top ten reasons for being a Croat:

1. You`re not a Serb
2. Soccer team.
3. You get to pretend that your language is different from Serbian, although it`s really not.
4. Dubrovnik.
5. You get to dream about independent Croatia.
6. Every now and then you get to sing "Danke, Danke, Deutschland," and continue to dream about independent Croatia.
7. You have a thousand-year culture of which no one has heard.
8. You have a democratically elected President who is not ashamed of being a Croat.
9. The glorious World War Two past.
10.You have a thousand-year culture....


Top ten reasons for being Bosnian:

1. You can get asylum anywhere except in Serbia.
2. You can pretend that your state exists.
3. Kebab.
4. You can pretend that Sarajevo is a really cosmopolitan European city when you know that it is not.
5. Great kebab.
6. You can be visited by Francois Mitterand, Bernard Henry-Levy, Susan Sontag, and Bill Clinton and it still doesn`t make a difference.
7. Free round-trip to any Moslem country.
8. You get to be bombed by a psychiatrist.
9. You can fly your flag in the UN but nowhere else.
10. Foreigners give you money and don`t ask any questions.


Top ten reasons for being Slovenian:

1. You can speak the beautiful Slovene language and know that no one cares except you.
2. You can feel superior to all former Yugoslavs.
3. You can drink after work.
4. You can pretend to live on the "sunny side of the Alps," although you know it`s not that sunny.
5. You can pretend that you are as good as any German while secretly enjoying the fact that you are a Slav.
6. Good relations with Italy and Austria.
7. You can afford to be Yugo-nostalgic.
8. You can marry a Slovene and have Slovene children who speak Slovene.
9. You don`t have to be ashamed when abroad.
10.No one bothers you because no one really cares.


Top ten reasons for being Macedonian:

1. You can call yourself Macedonian and not get killed by a Bulgarian, Greek, Serb or Albanian.
2. Fresh tomatoes, watermelon and tobacco.
3.You can pretend you are a descendant of Alexander the Great and piss off the Greeks.
4.You get to be sad and suffer while listening to folk music.
5. Good relations with your neighbors, especially Greeks and Albanians.
6. American soldiers on your territory.
7. You get to call your country The Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia.
8. Fresh tomatoes, watermelon, and tobacco.
9. You can successfully pretend your language is not Bulgarian.
10.Everyone is interested in the stability of your country except your neighbors.


Top ten reasons for being Montenegrin:

1. You can be proud of your heroic past and not being conquered by the Turks for 500 years.
2. You can sing epic songs about your heroic past and not being conquered by the Turks for 500 years.
3. You can think of Russia as your Mother, although Russia does not know you are her son.
4. You can combine orthodoxy with Stalinism with love of Russia and still think that you are better and more progressive than the Serbs.
5. Goat cheese, grilled lamb, and grappa.
6. You get to kill at least one person in a vendetta and defend your honor.
7. If you are a woman you can kill your husband and everyone knows why you did it.
8. You can smuggle cigarettes to Italy and live like a king.
9. You don`t have to work even when you have to.
10.You don`t have to work....


Top ten reasons for being Albanian:

1. You can always swim to Italy.
2. You can choose between a president who stole your whole income, one who killed all your relatives, or go fight the Serbs in Kosovo.
3. You can be proud of being from "the land of the eagle."
4. You can always swim to Italy.
5. You can take weapons from any army garrison and defend your honor.
6. You can get killed in a vendetta and be remembered as the hero of the family.
7. You get to be called the poorest country in Europe.
8. You can live in the ecologically cleanest country in Europe.
9. You can always swim to Italy
10.You are proud of being "from the land of the eagle."


Top ten reasons for being a Yugoslav:


1.You can be proud that you are neither a Serb, nor a Croat, nor a Slovene, nor a Bosnian, nor a Macedonian, nor Montenegrin, nor an Albanian, although you are one or more of the above.
2.You don`t have to feel bad about being "Yugo-nostalgic."
3.You can have a husband/wife from any part of Yugoslavia and still feel like the country never fell apart, especially if you are abroad
4.You get to listen to Serbian, Croatian, Bosnian, Slovenian, Macedonian, Montenegrin, and even Albanian music and feel that it`s quite OK.
5. You don`t have to be ashamed of your Titoist past.
6. You can sing Partisan songs from World War Two or rock-and-roll from the 1980`s.
7. You get to be cosmopolitan and spit on all the nationalists.
8. You get to be researched by foreign sociologists interested in your identity.
9. You are invited to speak about Yugoslavia at conferences abroad.
10.You are a good candidate for a Soros stipend.